Ninja Gaijin's Guide To Surviving Total Zombie Armageddon.

Okay, you've all heard about it, and we KNOW it's gonna happen.
You might say "But Ninja Gaijin, that shit's whack. It will
never happen" Bullshit! I'll be happy to put a load
of buckshot into your dumbass when you get bitten and become one
of them.

For those of you wise enough to listen to me, heed these simple tips,
and I'll see you after the Apocolypse, survivor.

1) This is NOT like the movies. These zombies will fuck you up for
real. Give it 110%, like you're fighting Hulk Hogan for the belt.
You don't give it you all, your ass is grass.

2) This one is simple. Take $200 dollars. Go buy a shotgun. Right now! I suggest a 12 guage pump action, but the double barrel sawed-off works fine if you're not a pussy. Buy a box of buckshot shells. Slugs aren't as useful on the undead as buckshot.

3) Always, always, ALWAYS aim for the head! Anything else is a waste.

4) Put some sort of improvised weapon in every room of your house.
I don't care if it's just a crowbar you keep in the bathroom, it'll
save your ass should the zombies catch you slippin'.

5) Even if you are a black-belt in Kung-Fu, or whatever, do NOT
try to engage the zombies in hand to hand combat unless you have
absolutely no choice. They have the strength of hell, and they will
fuck your frail human form up.

6) Cellphones will be useless during this period. I suggest you
invest in some 2 way radios, and give one to each of your friends
you are pretty sure will survive.

7) Form a rally point. Hardware stores, malls, and supermarkets are
best, and easily defendable, not to mention well stocked. Just be
aware, however, you will most likely have to clear the place out
of zombies inside. Not to mention, other survivors will have the
same plan you have. Be there first, and be better armed.

8) Unless you drive an industrial bulldozer or a MAC truck, you
will NOT be able to smash through large masses of zombies. They
will simply stop your car and fuck you up for being dumb.

9) Learn how to make pipe-bombs and/or napalm. These simple field
expedient weapons can save your ass, if applied correctly.

10) Last, but certainly not least, make REALLY good friends with an
airplane pilot. He may be your only chance to get out of this overrun
country and to somewhere safe, like Jamaica.

Failure to follow these simple rules will probably result in you
getting your ass handed to you by the legions of the dead. If
that happens, you deserve it, and I'll see you on the business
end of my Mossberg Persuader.

Thank you for my time,

Ninja Gaijin